I'm just remembering, and thanking You.

One thing that you'll learn about me, if you haven't already learned it, is that I have a really good memory.  Dates are very powerful things in my life.  I can remember so many dates of both good and bad events and memories.  I spend a lot of time reflecting.  I probably spend too much time reflecting.  Sometimes it's not necessarily the date of an important event, but the occurrence of an event around it that jogs my memory... Like, "the last time we were doing _________________, _________________ happened..."  I have a lot of those memories.  And that happened to me today.

My sweet husband and I were in our van after church this morning, driving to this years referee banquet when my memory shifted to three years ago when we were on our way to the banquet.  Three years ago, on banquet Sunday, is when Justin got the phone call from a deacon/search committee member at Rosebower that he had been voted as their new pastor.  I remember the bittersweet feeling that my heart felt.  I knew God's plan for our life was to serve Him at Rosebower Baptist Church.  But I also remember how bad it hurt.  I had that "sting" in my throat, and I just couldn't talk.  This was really happening.  We were following God's will... We were stepping out on faith... And we were stepping away from Liberty, the church that I had known my entire life.

Liberty.  I'm so thankful for the church that I was raised in.  I'm thankful that my parents took me to church, and that when they didn't go for whatever reason, I could always hitch a ride with my Gravel.  I'm thankful that I loved church, even as a little girl.  I never wanted to miss church.  It hurt my feelings to miss church, and I've shed honest tears over not being able to go.  The best friends that I've ever had in my life were made at church.  Some of my funniest memories took place within that place.  I was saved at Liberty.  I was baptized at Liberty.  I was discipled at Liberty.  And the church literally carried me through my parents divorce.  I mean that.  On days that I couldn't take another step, days that it hurt to breathe, they held me up.  Literally.  They rallied around me, and they picked me up and they carried me through that dark time in my life.  I've heard people say "it takes a village." Well, it took a village.  I thank God every single day (yes, truly every single day) that I turned to Him during that time instead of running from Him, because my life could have been so different today had I ran. 

Marrying a "preacher boy" was a little bit scary because I didn't know where God would have us serve, but I talked to God a lot and told Him that if it was okay with Him, I would just prefer to always be at Liberty, so I was going to need Him to open up some doors to make that happen.  I probably make God laugh a lot when I tell Him the way that I think things need to go.  He probably thinks I'm pretty funny.  But anyway, I was perfectly fine with being married to a preacher, as long as "my preacher" always served at "my church."  And sure enough, a year after we were married, Justin was hired at Liberty as youth/associate pastor.  And my life plan was all falling into place.  A year later we welcomed our first child into the world, and I was getting to raise my kid in the same church that I was raised in, surrounded by my family and my friends and my friends that were family.  One of the biggest blessings in my life was being able to serve the people that had served me my entire life.  Could life possibly be any better?  A few years later, we had our second kid, and my best friend had a sweet boy eleven weeks earlier.  We were raising our little boys together in the church that we were raised in together.  This was just picture perfect.  There were some hard times and some hurt feelings, but I was exactly where I wanted to be- and so happy that God had decided that my plan was best, so we would just go with it.

Then in walks God's real plan.  His perfect plan.  Liberty was most certainly, without a doubt, God's plan for our lives at that time in our lives, but Liberty wasn't God's final plan for our lives.  And as I began to realize that, my heart began breaking.  God, this isn't okay.  This isn't what we talked about.  Justin started feeling the call to pastor.  He was strongly feeling this call, and God was making Him almost miserable over it.  He reached out to a pastor mentor of his, Ronnie Stinson Sr.  Justin told Bro. Ronnie that God was calling him to pastor, and Bro. Ronnie told him that he needed to send his resume to Rosebower Baptist Church in Reidland.  Justin nor I had ever even heard of Rosebower.  But after praying about it, Justin sent his resume.  And when the church received his resume, they had not even begun their search for a new pastor yet.  They weren't ready for a new pastor yet.  Their pastor had just retired and he had been there for 36 years.  This search was going to take some time!  But, praise God, He had other plans. 

Rosebower called Justin for an interview.  And then called us both in for a second interview.  I remember so many small details of that interview.  I remember thinking, surely this isn't God's plan.  Surely He isn't going to make me leave Liberty.  I remember where I sat in the interview, right beside my husband, and I remember where each member of the search committee sat.  They weren't intimidating.  They were sweet.  They wanted to hear my heart.  They seemed to genuinely care about my husband and I.  And that scared me.  It was so clear that God was preparing all nine hearts in that room (the seven committee members, and mine and Justin's) for something big that He was about to orchestrate.  I remember fighting tears the entire interview.  And then someone asked me if I would be willing to "relocate" if the church called us.  That's when the levy broke and the tears spilled out.  I didn't want to sell our house.  But mostly, I just didn't want to leave Liberty. 

After the interview they gave us a tour of the church.  They showed us the nursery and the sanctuary and the classes that our little boys would be a part of.  I wasn't particularly interested though, because God and I had a deal, and we wouldn't be coming to Rosebower anyway.

We left, and I cried most of the way home.  I told Justin that I didn't want to move and I didn't want to sell our house.  But honestly, I knew on that drive home that mine and God's plans weren't matching up anymore, and that's God's plan was ultimately going to win out- and that it would be so much better anyway, because His plan is always better than mine.

The next day Justin talked to Bro. Ronnie again, and he told him some of my concerns.  I think about the words that Bro. Ronnie replied so often... "Justin, if all that's keeping you from going to Rosebower is selling your house, you sell your house."

The next several weeks were like a whirlwind.  Justin preached a trial sermon at Rosebower on Februaury 10, 2013 and the next week Rosebower voted to call Justin as their pastor.  My heart has been broke a time or two in my life.  I've had a few hard times.  But my heart had never, ever felt like this.  Saying goodbye to Liberty was like someone taking my heart out of my chest and dancing on it.  It felt almost like a death.  It could not have physically hurt more.  Thinking about how hard it was still brings tears to my eyes three years later.  But I trusted God, and I went.  I hear that churches don't normally want pastor's whose wives refuse to move their membership... so I took one for the team, and I followed that preacher boy that I gave my heart to and I promised that I would stand beside of and serve beside of.

I would not be where I am today if it weren't for Liberty Baptist Church.  Ultimately God and His amazing grace have sustained me throughout every day of my life, but I owe a lot to Liberty and to the people that raised me and carried me and invested in me there.  And I also owe a lot to my "new" family (can I still say new even though it's been three years?)... Rosebower Baptist Church is one of the biggest blessings in my life.  The thing that I thought was causing my heart to break was ultimately the thing that healed my heart in a way that I never knew was possible.  I can't imagine not walking through life with my new family.  These people are my church, they are my family, they are my people, they are my world.  I have a lot of words, but I don't have the right words to express how I feel about the people that love me and my family so well- the people that love Jesus so well.  I've made some of the best friends in my life at Rosebower, too.  Friends that I don't know how I survived the first 27 years of my life without.  We've added another child to our family, our sweet little girl, and one of my greatest joys is watching Rosebower love her and our boys.  They are loved so well.  I pray that they always remember how well they are loved.

So, I guess the thought swirling around in my head most today is... "How do people survive without the church?"  How do you get through those hard times without a family to carry you through?  The church isn't perfect.  It's far from perfect.  Liberty wasn't perfect and Rosebower isn't perfect.  But they are part of God's perfect plan for my life, and the reason that I can sit here tonight and know that, without a shadow of a doubt, God is real and He is good.  I know this because of the church.  I fail the church so often.  There are many more women that would be far better at this pastor's wife gig than I have been.  The church has disappointed and hurt, and there have been a few weeks that going to church was just down right hard.  But time after time after time (every single time), I found Jesus there.  He is there every week when I walk through those doors.  Jesus loves His church.  I love His church, too.  I love it a lot.

I've thought about having the talk with God that I would like to just go ahead and serve out the rest of our years at Rosebower.  That Justin and I will retire as little, old, gray-headed people right there in Reidland, Kentucky.  That my children will grow up and get married and have me some beautiful grandkids, and that we will just all serve at Rosebower together. That fifty seven years from now, on a Sunday night, after my 90 year old husband preached an outstanding sermon, we will come home from our church, lay down in our bed and just die in our sleep together, still serving at Rosebower.  But I'm scared to have that conversation with God, because it didn't work out so well for me last time.  So, I'm just going to keep on trusting Him.  I'm going to trust that He will keep us in the center of His will as we seek Him daily, and that God will use us at Rosebower for His glory while He wants us there (preferably the next 57 years).

But I do know one thing... I know that the church is God's idea and that the church is good.  The church isn't perfect because it's made up of people like me and you.  But the church is good.  Liberty, you're good.  Because you are His.  And Rosebower, you are good.  Because you are His, too.

And God, You are good.  You are good for so many reasons.  But tonight I am thanking You for giving me Liberty, and for giving me Rosebower.  I'm thanking You for my old people, and for my new people.  And I'm thanking You for always knowing best.  I'm thanking You for Your church, for The Church.  I'm just remembering and thanking You...

I'm just remembering, and thanking You.

Oh, God is so good.

(And also, I might be wearing the same dress in both of these pictures.)

Eight.

Jax Mason,

Today you are eight.  That's something that's a little bit hard for me to believe.
I'm not sure how it happened so fast, and I'm not sure how to keep the next eight years from coming even faster.

But I do know that I sure have enjoyed being your mom.  I've enjoyed almost every moment.

You make me a better person every day.

Your sweet spirit, calm disposition, funny and witty sense of humor and your concern for others amaze me often.

I love to watch you look up to your dad.  I love that you want to be like him.

He's a good one to try to follow.

I love that you have my personality.  Even though that scares me for you sometimes, I love that God shows me more about the way that He loves me by the way that I love you.

Being as sensitive as you and I are in this harsh and crazy world is not easy.

And it's not going to be easy for you to be a sensitive man one day.

But, boy are you going to make someone an amazing husband (one day, very very very far off from now.)

My prayer for you is that God will protect your heart.

That God will not let the world make your heart hard.

Because you are a beautiful boy, but the most beautiful part of you is, without a doubt, your heart.

You're a good son.  You're a good brother.  We are so proud of you.

Stay kind.  Stay sweet.  Stay you.

Keep shining the light of Jesus, sweet boy.

Always shine His light.

I love you with all of me,

Mom

Redeemed, Chosen, Loved & Healed

I’ve struggled my entire life with wanting to put my trust, and my faith, and my confidence in people.  Because I can see people.  I can reach out and touch people.  I can audibly hear people.  I can wrap my arms around a person and hug them or reach out to them and hold their hand.

And I’m so glad that God gave us people.  Relationships were His idea, and how sad and boring would it be to do life alone?  

He gave us husbands to love us and cherish us and raise our children with.  Husbands are the head of our households and God created marriage to honor Him and to show a picture of the gospel.  There is not one more precious relationship in my life than my relationship with my husband.  He is my literal earthly rock, and I lean on him hard.  He makes me laugh, and he makes me a better person, but I couldn't be more proud to be his wife.

He gave us children to remind us of the simple joys in life.  My three kids absolutely drive me nuts, but I don’t know how I would survive this crazy life without them.  Through being a parent, I’ve learned more about the love of the Father.  To think that He loves me more than I love my kids is something that is just hard for me to wrap my mind around.

And He gave us each other.  He gave us the church and He gave us friends to walk beside us.  We need the church.  We need good, godly friends.  We need people that can make us laugh and we also need people that don’t mind when we just need to cry.  We need people that remind us to “just keep breathing.”  We need people that we know we can always call upon to pray for us.

BUT… guys, more than anything else, we need Jesus.  And if we place any person in the place of our heart that was created for Him, and Him alone, we will be helplessly miserable.  God created a “God-sized hole” in our hearts.  And we can try to fill it with any person or any thing, but He is the only thing that will fit that hole.  That hole was made by Him, for Him, and for Him alone.

When you’re working a puzzle, you can try all you want to make a piece fit, but if that spot wasn’t made for that piece, then it’s just not going to fit.  It doesn't matter how strong you are.  You can "force" the piece into the hole, but ultimately forcing it will break the puzzle.  It doesn't matter how smart you are.  You can try to manipulate the piece into fitting, but if it won't fit, then it won't fit.

The hole in our hearts was made for God and God alone, and no other pieces will fit. Period.

You can try to put your husband in that hole.  I assure you, he’s not big enough.  He's not strong enough and he's not loving enough.  You can try to put your job in that hole.  It’s not reliable enough and it's not stable enough.  You can try to put your friend in that hole.  She’s not dependable enough.  You can even try to put the church in that hole.  And even the church will never EVER fit.  That hole was not made for the church to fill.  It’s a big, big hole, and only God can fill it.

One thing that God has taught me is that once I fill that hole with Him, I have to rest in Him and rest in who I am in Him. I have to believe what He says about me.

I am not who this world says that I am. I am a child of God.  I’m His child.  And who knows us better than our parents do?

Jaxon is my oldest son.  He is eight (well, he will be eight tomorrow).  He is the most sensitive kid and is totally aware of everything that is going on in the world around him.  If something is wrong, he picks up on it.  If I'm upset about something, his dad might not immediately pick up on it, but you can bet that Jaxon will.  He is a happy kid, but he is a serious kid.  He’s a little bit of an old soul.  He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders.  At eight years old, he shouldn’t have a care in the world, but he worries about things that are far beyond his control and things that eight year olds shouldn’t have to worry about.

This summer Jaxon was playing baseball and one of the parents of a kid on his team made the comment that he was such a sad kid.  She said that she had never seen a kid look so sad all of the time.

It almost instantly brought tears to my eyes to hear someone say that.  As a parent, it’s hard to think about your kid being sad.  But then I got to thinking.  Who knows my kid better?  That woman, or me, his mom?  He isn’t sad.  That boy doesn’t have anything in the world to be sad about.  But he is sensitive.  And he is serious.  And he is aware.  And I’m HIS MOM.  I know him better than anyone in the world does.  I know who he is.

God is that way with us.  The world around us tries to label us.  The world tries to define us by our past.  The world tries to define us by the mistakes that we’ve made.  The world tries to define us by a number that shows up when we step on a scale or an amount that is shown on our bank accounts.  The world tries to tell us that we are a mess, that we are a failure, that we are unworthy, that we are divorced, that we are an addict, that surely God can’t use us.  The world tells us that we are a bad mom.  That we are a bad wife.  That we are a bad friend.  That we are a bad Christian.  The world tells us that we are just not good enough.  But God knows us better.  He’s our parent.  Who on earth knows us better than our Father does?

I’ve made mistakes.  You have too.  But thank God, He’s redeemed us.

There’s things about my past that I wish I could go back and do different.  You wish you could change things about yours too.  But thank God, He’s chosen us.

Some days I’m a bad mom.  And a bad wife.  And a bad friend.  And a bad Christian.  And some days you are all bad at all of those things too.  But thank God, He loves us.

And some days, I hurt.  I hurt bad.  My heart hurts and I long for Heaven when everything will be made right and new.  If you have Jesus, then you have those longings too, even if you don’t necessarily recognize that Heaven is what you’re longing for.  But thank God, He heals us.

So, do we believe the lies that the world shouts in our ears day after day?

Or do we believe the truths that God whispers to us moment by moment if we will just be still enough to hear Him?

I’ll be honest with you.  Too often I listen to the world.  It’s louder.  It shouts and it screams.

But the world doesn’t fill that spot in my heart.  God does.  So, I need to be more intentional about slowing down, and being still, and staying quiet and listening to the truths that He has to say about me.  Because He is my Father, and He knows me better than anyone else does. 

So what does God say about me?

He says I'm Redeemed.

Friends, He redeemed us.  Your ugly past?  He redeemed that.  That mistake you made as a teenager, or last year, or yesterday- yea, it’s been redeemed.  We are made new because He bought us back.  He recovered ownership of us.  That makes us His.  And if we are His, really nothing else matters.  Through redemption He has made us free.  Free from listening and believing what the world says we are.  It doesn’t matter what the world says we are because we know Whose we are.  We belong to the God that filled up that hole in our hearts.  We are His.  And He not only redeems us, but He restores us.  How comforting is that?  Everything that Satan has stolen from us and that the world has taken from us, He can restore.

 

He says I'm Chosen.

He chose us.  You may not have been chosen for many things in life.  You may have always been the last one chosen for games at recess or the one left without a partner in class when it was time to team up.  But friend, you aren't His last choice.  When Jesus chose to die on the cross (and yes, He chose to die on the cross), He saw YOUR face, and He chose YOU.  He could have called 10,000 angels to come and save Him, but instead, He chose you.  You belong to Him.  You are His.  And not only did He choose you, but He purchased you at a really steep price.  You are worth so much to Him.  Believe it.



He says I'm Loved.

You may not have felt loved by anyone in your entire life.  Believing that Jesus loves you might be something that is completely foreign to you because you don’t feel that you are worthy of that kind of love.  But friend, you are so worthy.  You parents may not have loved you the way that they should have.  Your husband may not even come close to loving you the way that Christ loves His church.  And you might even feel unloved and used by your friends.  But rest assured, Jesus loves you. 

At least once a day when I’m holding my little girl, I sing “Jesus loves me…” to her.  Because if she can wrap her heart around that and REALLY believe that, she can face whatever life throws at her.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Yes, Jesus loves me.  Why?  Because the Bible tells me so.  Believe it friend.  Believe what He has to say about you.  He says He loves you.  And He treasures you.  And He cherishes you.  And He thinks you’re beautiful. You are so deeply loved, friend.  Believe it.

 

He says I'm Healed.

We need some healing, don’t we?  People all around us are hurting.  They’re hurting bad. People are dealing with big things like cancer, and chemo, and infertility, and sick kids, and sick spouses, and sick parents, and hurting marriages, and making funeral plans for their kids, and big things that make my problems seem so small. Our hearts need to be healed.  We need to be the hands and feet of Christ to one another, but the only one that can truly heal us is Jesus Christ.  And we will never be truly healed until we allow Him the space in our hearts that He made that only He can fill, and until we refuse to listen to the lies that the world wants to tell us.  Let His whispers drown out the shouts.  Believe what He says.  We are His!

 

Redeemed.  Chosen.  Loved.  Healed. 

That’s me.  And that’s you.

Listening to the voices of the world will leave you feeling scared and insecure.
Listening to the promises of God will leave you feeling safe and secure.

I would rather feel safe and secure.  Satan will daily try to steal our joy and our peace by constantly lying to us.  The less we know about God and about His Word, the more we will believe the lies that Satan and that the world tells us.

If we belong to Him, then let’s believe what He says. 

But I also wanted to add, because I don’t want you to think too highly of yourself, that we are all rotten sinners. I'm a rotten sinner (one of the rotten-est), and you are rotten too. Apart from the grace of God, we are nothing.  But my friend, if you are still beating yourself up over your past failures, which have been nailed to the cross, you are denying the work that Christ has done for you and the work that He is doing in you.

Did you hear that?  Maybe you need to read it again... Your past failures have been nailed to the cross. 

That’s why I’m begging you to believe Him.  And that’s why I’m begging myself to believe Him.  All of our worldly labels and all of the lies that Satan shouts at us, they mean nothing anymore because they have been nailed to the cross.

The blood of Christ makes us worthy.  Know who He says you are.  And then believe who He says you are.  

You are redeemed.  And chosen.  And loved.  And healed.

And He's so good.