We have a sectional.
When we were looking to buy our house, the sectional is the first thing
that I noticed when we walked in the front door. When we decided that we were interested in
making this house our home, one of the first questions that we asked the owner
was how much they would take for the sectional.
It just fit right in that space.
It was like they built the entire house around that sectional.
And it’s comfortable.
It’s one of those couches that is hard to get up off of whenever you sit
down on it. That can be a good thing or
a bad thing. The boys sleep on the couch
a lot on Friday and Saturday nights. We
have enjoyed many family movie nights or ball games sitting on this couch, all
5 of us together, enjoying bowls of popcorn.
And this week, this couch has been my bed. Jaxon, my eight year old, had a tonsillectomy
and adenoidectomy on Tuesday. Bless his
heart, he’s had a rough time. He had
four different pretty scary vomiting spells after the surgery on Tuesday, and
it was close to bedtime before we were able to get him back home. We thought the recliner would be the best
place for him to try to sleep so that we could better keep his head propped
up. So naturally, Tuesday night, the
couch was to be my bed. Paxton and Knox,
our 2 and 5 year old, went to bed with their daddy in our king sized bed. Paxton sleeps with us every night, and Knox
and Jaxon normally sleep in their room on bunk beds, but we had decided that
since Jaxon was sleeping in the living room for a few nights, we would let Knox
sleep with his daddy. Paxton made it in
our bed without me for a couple of hours before she woke up terrified and
joined me on the couch.
Wednesday night Jaxon slept in the recliner again, and I
settled in on the couch. Paxton laid
down with me, and Knox went to bed with Justin, but before everyone actually went
to sleep, Knox came and laid with me and Paxton joined Justin in the bed.
Thursday was a rough day.
Really rough. Jaxon ran fever all
day, and we ended up in the emergency room with him. As if recovery from a major surgery isn’t
hard enough, after a chest xray and some blood work, Jaxon was also diagnosed
with pneumonia. Thursday night, with Paxton sleeping beside me on the couch, I
pretty much just laid and listened to Jaxon breathe all night. I prayed that God would relieve his pain and
help him to rest.
Things started looking up on Friday. Jaxon seemed to be feeling better. He was drinking more and trying to eat some. He smiled a few times and laughed and would
give me thumbs up when I would ask if he was okay. He got a shower, and tried to brush his
teeth, and I just felt more confident going to bed than I had since
surgery.
I laid on the couch and we watched a basketball game
together. I was holding Paxton during
the game (that didn’t get over with until after midnight). Paxton kept dozing
off, then she would wake up and look at me to make sure I was still there. A few times she just closed her eyes and went
back to sleep. But one time she said, “momma,
you stay awake so I won’t be scared?”
I told her not to be afraid, that I wasn’t going anywhere,
and she fell back to sleep as I continued to hold her close and rub her back.
Knox, who had earlier went to bed with Justin, joined me on
the couch during the 4th quarter because Justin had fallen asleep
and he was, in his own words, “scared to watch the game alone because his team
was about to lose.” He came and snuggled
up close, and we finished the game (that his team did, in fact, lose). When the game was over, I told him that he
could go back and sleep in there with daddy, and he told me that he just wanted
to sleep with me. I told him that he
needed to move to the other side of the sectional because I couldn’t sleep with
him on top of me.
I then suggested that I go to my bed to sleep and that Knox
could have my spot on the couch. Jaxon’s
ears perked up and he, without hestitation, said “No!” You can’t leave me in
here. I’m scared to sleep without you.” So I laid right back down. Within a couple of minutes Jaxon fell asleep,
so I thought I would try to sneak into my bed.
As soon as I stood up, his eyes popped open and he said, “please stay in
here with me.” So I laid down and wasn’t
going anywhere.
Knox, who at this time was trying to get comfortable on the
other side of the sectional, was having a hard time making his nest. He said, “I want to lay with you, Mom.” I tried to explain to him how tired I was and
that I couldn’t sleep with him on me. He
then threw his pillow and blanket on the floor and made a pallet right beside
me so that he could hold my hand while he fell asleep.
It was nearing 1 a.m. by this point, and hot tears were
streaming down my face as held Knox’s hand, watched Paxton sleep, and just
listened to Jaxon breathe. There are
days that I feel overtouched, over talked to, and over anxious. But in that moment, I knew I was right where I
was supposed to be. I was right with the
three people that truly do need ME more than they do anything in their life at
this moment.
And I thought about God.
I thought about Paxton asking me to stay awake so that she wouldn’t be
scared. And I cried as I thanked God for
never sleeping. On nights that I’m
fearful and anxious and have a million things on my heart and mind, I can rest
knowing that God won’t go to sleep. He
will stay awake and hold me and do whatever it takes for me to find rest. When I wake up abruptly because of bad dreams, He is right there beside me, not sleeping.
I thought about Jaxon just needing me close. And I cried as I thought about how thankful I
am that God is always close. He NEVER
leaves me. Never ever. He doesn’t even try to sneak off to get some
rest when He knows that I’m asleep. He
just stays. And just like my presence
was enough to comfort Jaxon and make him feel safe enough to rest, His constant
presence in my life is enough for me.
And I thought about Knox, about him not being able to get
close enough to me, and about him moving so that he could just lay and hold my
hand. And I cried as I thanked God for
always, always holding my hand. For always
wanting me close, and always being there when I just need to be close, hold His
hand, and rest in Him.
There’s nothing in my life that has ever taught me more
about God’s love than the love that I have for my three children. And I’m thankful that He never stops trying
to teach me more about how much He really does love me. He really does love me. I’m thankful for that, and I’m thankful for
the lesson on the sectional last night.
It’s a night that I think I’ll always remember.
