My husband has always had a thing for yards. When we were dating, I can remember laughing
at him so many times as we drove past a yard that had just been mowed, and he
would declare “man, that’s a good looking yard.”
When we were dating, Justin mowed yards to make money. He had several yards that people paid him to
mow, and after we were married, I helped him.
It didn’t take me long to start to understand what he meant about a
pretty yard.
After 13 years with this man, in my opinion, there isn’t
much prettier than a green, fresh mowed lawn.
Seriously. I notice them
now. Our 10 year old does too. On the way to church a few weeks ago, Jaxon
said, “that yard looks so good!” His
daddy has rubbed off on him too.
The last few years I’ve mowed our yard more often. And that has only intensified my love of a green,
fresh mowed yard. Mowing can be so
satisfying… the lines that you cut in the grass. I’m pretty basic with my mowing- I just do
straight lines. But my husband, let me tell
you, he mows these fancy diagonal lines and they are just beautiful! I do a pretty good job, but he’s just better
than me.
But this morning, as I was mowing the grass, I was in a
hurry because I had so much on my mind and so much on my list to get done
today. I was mentally preparing a list
for today, for tomorrow, for Friday, and for this weekend… but as I was
preparing my mental list, and mowing the grass, the big “mountain” in my mind
that I couldn’t help but see past was how messy the inside of my house is right
now.
We’ve been busy lately.
We are always busy- but the last few weeks have been insane. This is a super busy time for me with photography,
and also this is the first year that all three of our kids are playing baseball,
so between practices and games, “Jesus take the wheel.”
The inside of my house hasn’t gotten as much attention as it
should lately. There’s laundry to be
done, and there’s laundry that has been done but that is still sitting on the
couch waiting for someone to fold it and put it away. There are dirty dishes in the sink that need
to be loaded into the dish washer and clean dishes in the dish washer that
someone needs to put in the cabinets. The
boys leave their shoes and dirty clothes wherever they take them off. Throw pillows and blankets are scattered
across the floor and it looks like Peppa Pig’s village threw up in my living
room. Toilets need to be scrubbed. Tubs and sinks need to be cleaned. Dust is collecting as we speak.
In all honesty, it’s a little overwhelming. And it all honesty, it’s a good picture of my
heart. Sometimes my heart is a
mess. Sometimes I feel sad and
overwhelmed, anxious, let down and just stressed. Three little kids need a lot. My husband has a serious eye disease and is
having surgery soon. There are demands
at church. Photography clients like to
have their pictures back in a timely manner.
There are broken relationships, sick family members, hurting friends
that are dealing with very big things- and all of these things take up big spaces
in my heart and can leave me feeling a “mess.”
But then I think about that yard and how good it looks. And I think about the appearance of
perfection that we (me) often try to show the world. Put on a smile. Mow the yard.
Get it??
When people drive by the house, all they see is our yard. And let me tell you, our yard looks really good. It always does. (Probably because my husband
takes care of it for the most part, and not me 😊). But
people driving by don’t see the mess that is often on the inside of the house.
There are some people that I feel safe enough with to show
the mess. My husband and kids obviously
live here, so they see the mess more than anyone. If someone were to knock on the door on days that
the house is a mess, I would step out on to the front porch to talk to them
instead of inviting them inside. But
there are a few people that I feel safe enough with that I would invite in and
allow them to see the mess. Because if
they truly love me, they are here to see me and not my house anyway. And I have one neighbor that is always invited
in because we feel “connected” by our messes sometimes and joke that our
husbands think we are the only ones with messes. She can come in anytime because she gets it.
It’s the same thing with my heart. I can make the outside look pretty good and
the outside, the yard, is all that most people is going to see anyway. But there are a few people that I let see the
mess. My husband and my children, well they
have my heart. They see me when I’m
sad. They see me cry, hear me yell, and know
better than anyone when I’m anxious or afraid.
Because they are right here, in the midst of the mess, all the
time. There are a few friends that I expose
the mess to- because just like they come over to see me and not my house, they
are my friend because of who I am, who God made me, even though I’m a mess
sometimes. I thank God for those people.
I’ve been helping Justin mow yards for about 13 years now,
but I learned something new just last week.
I was mowing and when I finished he pointed out these piles of grass and
told me that I had to “mow over them” or they would make the grass underneath
die. I didn’t get it. I asked what he meant by mow over it, because
I had already mowed it once. So he
showed me what he meant. And he meant
just what he said- mow over it again. And
today when I was mowing, I mowed over all of those piles of grass that I had
already cut. And even then I was
reminded about letting God take care of the mess and being willing to give it
to Him over and over again. So often I think
that if I give something to God (mow over it the first time) then I’ve done my job. But so often I still worry about things, and worrying
about it kills the grass. Worrying takes
the life out of me. So I’ve got to mow
over the piles again. I’ve got to give
it to God again and again.
Maybe this makes sense to you. Maybe it doesn’t at all. But I’m thankful this morning for lessons
from the lawn mower, and for the ways that God speaks to my heart.
