Memorial Day

"Greater love has no one than this:

to lay down one's life for one's friends."

John 15:13

May we always remember, and never forget.

A Decade.

A decade.

Ten years.

Today marks ten years that I've been married to my love.

Justin is evidence of God's grace on my life.

Every. Single. Day.

He's a gift that I truly don't deserve,

but that I find myself being more thankful for every night as I say my prayers.

He is everything that I am not.

Where I'm weak, he is strong.

Where I am afraid, he is confident, bold, and brave.

He helps me to not take life quite so seriously.

We complete each other, and we make a pretty good team.

I have no doubts, even ten years later, that God made me for him, and him for me.

Not only do I love him, but I also love loving him.

Loving him is just fun.

He annoys me a great deal,

but no one can make me laugh like he can.

God sent Justin into my life at a time that I needed to believe that true love really could exist.

Because honestly, I wasn't sure.

But then, in walked Justin.

And in walked hope.

And in walked God, reassuringly saying, "See, I love you. 

And he does too."

And I almost ran him off.

Because I was scared.

But he didn't give up on me.

And he stayed.

And he's still sticking around, by the amazing grace of God.

Last night I was flipping through a journal that Justin and I kept together while we were dating.

He will deny it if you ask him about it, but it's real :)

I looked at the places that I doodled the name "Kendra Marie Mason."

I read entries that I dreamed of the day that I would be his wife, and we would get to be mom and dad to little kids, together.

And it seems like only yesterday, but also an entire lifetime ago at the same time.

And now here we are, ten years later.

A whole decade later.

And I couldn't be prouder to be his wife.

J,

Thank you for making every day an adventure.

Thank you for making parts of every day fun.

Every day is not easy.  Being a pastor's family and trying to raise three strong willed little kids can certainly be trying at times.

But there's no one else that I would rather be on this adventure with.

Apart from my relationship with my precious Jesus, the One that sent you to me,

there is no other more precious relationship in my life.

Thank you for making the choice every day to love me, and thank you for never giving up on us, even on the hard days.

The last ten years have been a blast, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life loving you...

Love, 

K

Home.

One year ago our family started the walk down a road of inconvenience and frustration.  It wasn't a walk of devastation or tragedy, but it was inconvenient and it was frustrating, to say the least.

What started as an ordinary Saturday (well, can your really consider a day that you're attending your great grandmother's funeral ordinary?) turned into quite the eventful day for our family.

Weeks prior to this beautiful May day, my best friend had contacted me about the possibility of hosting another one of our best friend's baby shower at my home.  I happily agreed.  I love to have friends in my home!  But a few days before the shower was supposed to take place, my great grandmother passed away.  I remember talking to my best friend, Kimberly, and telling her that they were still welcome to have Amy's shower at my house, but that I wouldn't be here for the biggest part of the day because the funeral was to be held on the same day.  We agreed that I would leave a key hidden outside for her and that she would come over whenever and get everything decorated and that I would just show up at some point during the shower.  I cleaned my house top to bottom in the days leading up to Saturday, and I remember looking around one last time before walking out of the house a little before lunch time that day to make sure that everything was in it's place.  I was sad that I was going to be attending a loved one's funeral, but I remember feeling hopeful, happy anticipation of getting to wrap up the evening celebrating new life with some of my most precious friends in my home.  That made me feel happy.

I drove to Mayfield and dropped the kids off with my inlaws, and then drove to Benton to the funeral home.  Justin met me there.  We celebrated the long, happy life of my great grandmother.  We cried and we laughed as we shared memories and spent time with dear family.  We drove to the cemetery and attended her burial, and then we made our way to my great Aunt and Uncle's church, where we would conclude our time with our family that day by eating a meal that had been prepared for us there.  My phone had been on silent through all of the services, and Justin's phone was still on silent as well.  That's when I noticed that I had missed a couple of calls from my friend Kelly.  I was afraid that they weren't able to find the key to get into the house or something, or maybe they were needing something inside of the house that they couldn't find.  I didn't feel panicked in the least bit, but stepped outside so that I could call her back.  When I stepped outside though, I found Justin, already on the phone with Kelly, and a look of panic was on his face.  He said, "we have to go now.  A pipe burst in our house and our floors are flooded."  I went in and explained to my family that we had to leave, but even as we left, I didn't fully understand the severity of the problem.

I called my mom and asked her to take towels to the house.  Kimberly, Kelly, and their mom Jill had used every towel that they could find in my house to soak up water.  I called our sweet neighbors and asked them to bring towels and a shop vac.  I called a couple of friends at church to help.  And when we pulled up at our house, I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of people that had shown up to help.  And when I walked into the house, I truly didn't know what the big deal was... It looked pretty good.  Jill had (thankfully) known how to shut the water off, and she had.  Kimberly and Kelly had started cleaning and soaking up water.  A neighbor was in the laundry room with a shop vac... But when Justin went in under the house we realized what a mess we really had.  We called Serve-All and they came and hooked massive machines up to our hard wood floors that sucked the water out of the floor and sounded like we were in the eye of a tornado.  Believe it or not (and it makes me laugh to think about it now), we went on with the baby shower as planned.  We just moved everything down to the play room, while my husband and several other men took care of the problems going on upstairs.  

 (our bedroom, where Paxton and I slept on night one... And boy was it loud!)

I remember going to bed that night not really grasping the full effect of everything that was happening, but feeling extremely grateful.  You see, my sister's home had burnt to the ground three months earlier.  My sister, her husband and my niece and two nephews made it out alive, but only with the clothes on their back.  They lost everything.  That was total devastation.  That was tragedy.  This was an inconvenience and frustrating, but we hadn't lost anything.  I remember laying in my bed feeling overwhelmed with gratitude.  Grateful for time spent with my family that morning, and time spent with some of my most precious friends that evening.  Thankful for friends that stopped what they were doing and shut the water off and started doing everything under their power to make things better.  Thankful for moms, neighbors, and friends that showed up with towels and shop vacs.  Thankful for friends that prayed over the situation before leaving.  Thankful for family members that showed up or called and said "what do you need me to do?"  Thankful for a friend that didn't get the least bit upset that people were here working on our house during her baby shower.  Thankful for friends that showed up with a cold Mountain Dew just when I needed it.  Thankful that it wasn't worse than it was.  

I remember being well aware of several providential things that happened that day, as well.  If I wouldn't have been hosting the baby shower, I probably wouldn't have cleaned my house (I'm just keeping it real).  If I wouldn't have cleaned my house the flood more than likely would have ruined a lot of things.  Also if I wouldn't have been hosting a baby shower then my friends wouldn't have been at my house to discover the flood and the whole house would have been flooded by the time we got home later that night.  We would have lost so many things.  

We were told initially that the machines would be hooked up to our floors for a couple of weeks.  That next morning at church, right before our worship service started and Justin got in the pulpit to preach, he received a call from the insurance company that we would need to move out of our house for a week or two.  No big deal, right? 7-14 days... Anyone can do that.  Sure, it's pretty inconvenient with three small children, but I've always just kind of rolled with the punches, so we would be fine.  It would just be two weeks, at the most, after all.  

I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it, but that Sunday night, between choir practice and church, I had a pretty bad anxiety attack.  I was seeing spots, dizzy, and my blood pressure got really high. I just felt overwhelmed and like I couldn't catch my breath.  My bp finally came down, but the overwhelmed feelings didn't subside so quickly.  We came home and packed some bags and went to Justin's parents for the night and then the next day we got word that we would be placed in a hotel for the remainder of the two weeks that it would take for our house to be "fixed" so that we could move back in.  I could feel myself getting short of breath all over again... A hotel room.... with three little kids.... But we could do this.  So we moved into the Residence Inn in Paducah...

(the note that Jaxon made and gave to me on our very first night in our hotel room.  I still use it as a book mark.)

And that was our home for the next 69 days.

One to two weeks turned into the longest 69 days of my life.

We spent our ninth wedding anniversary and my thirtieth birthday in a hotel room.

And there were days that tested my patience.  A lot. 

A lot of days that tested my patience.

There were days that getting in my van and driving away seemed like a fantastic idea.

There were even days that driving my van off of the Brookport Bridge sounded like a great idea (once again, just keeping it real).

But even when I did not understand why things were happening the way that they were, I could always rest in the assurance that God did have a plan- and not just a plan… and not just a really good plan… and not just a great plan…but a perfect plan.

(Heading to the hotel swimming pool.  What we did nearly every single day.)

The first day that we were in the hotel, Justin unpacked all of his clothes and put them in drawers.  He hung up his nicer clothes in the closet.  I just threw my suitcase in the floor and lived out of it.  I refused to unpack.  Unpacking meant that we were going to be there for a while.  I wasn't going to be there long enough to unpack.  Or at least I refused to accept that fact.  The whole 69 days, I never unpacked my suitcase.  Seriously.  

Justin and Jaxon made it their goal to share the gospel with the hotel workers.  They would go eat breakfast and tell people about Jesus.  I ate breakfast at the hotel two times the entire 69 days that we were there.  I was anxious and depressed and wanted more than anything to be out of that hotel room, but at the same time, I really didn't want to come out of the hotel room because then that meant that I had to communicate with the rest of the world.

(she had to learn to climb the steps by herself.  She got too heavy to carry.)

Our church was also in the process of searching for both a youth minister and a music minister.  This meant two things.

First, it meant that my husband was the only minister on staff at our church.  Busy doesn't even begin to describe his life last summer.  He was serving our church in every area, and also finishing up his doctoral work in order to graduate with his doctorate in December. 

Second, it meant that on top of being busier than ever, he also had tons of meetings as our search committee was praying for direction on who was God's plan to hire as our new church staff.  

So on top of Justin's regular pastor jobs during the day, and his crazy amount of work that he was finishing for his doctorate studies, there were also many nights that he had meetings on top of all of his normal duties.

So he pretty much came to the hotel to sleep every night, and in the mean time, I felt trapped with three kids most other times.

I couldn't have been more tired of eating out at restaurants.  It got to the point that literally nothing sounded good.  We learned which restaurants had "kids eat free" nights on certain nights.  We knew pretty much everyone's menu, front and back. 

Jaxon played baseball and Knox played t-ball and we made it through a whole summer of "America's favorite past time" while living in a hotel. 

Justin had sedation dental surgery, and getting a 6 foot 3 inch man up the stairs to our hotel room was tricky, but we survived.

Paxton had a horrible week of 104 temp and "hand, foot, and mouth" disease, but again, we survived.

Also, the tooth fairy had to visit the Residence Inn... twice. 

I was sincerely waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump our from behind a door at any moment and scream, "Sorry Mason family, but you've been punked!" I mean, for real.

Four weeks into our stay (28 whole days), the insurance approved for us to be moved to a "two bedroom suite."

That helped, tremendously, but it still wasn't HOME.

Over the next several weeks, if it could happen, it happened.  

That's spiritual war fare for you, I guess.

God taught me a lot about spiritual war fare while we were living in the hotel, and let me just tell you, it's real.

He also taught me a whole lot about home.

There were several times that we thought we were sooooo close to getting to move back home.

And then something else would happen.

You wouldn't believe all of the setbacks and difficulties.

If I took the time to actually write about them, unless you walked through this journey with us, I promise you wouldn't believe all of it anyway.

So many times I wondered why there wasn't a camera crew following us around.

TLC and The Discovery Channel, I'm just saying, you missed out.

You just can't make this stuff up.

Maybe someday I'll write a book.

But one thing I am grateful for is that my Heavenly Father taught me about Heaven.
He taught me about Home.

And about how this earth is just our temporary home.

Just like the Residence Inn "housed" my family for two plus months, it was just for a short time.

For 69 days, that hotel room was my temporary home.

I was frustrated.  Very frustrated.

I cried.  I cried almost every single day.  I cried oceans.

I laughed.  I laughed at my hilarious kids, and at my good natured husband, and I just laughed at our horrible luck.

But mostly I just sucked it up and I endured it.

Because I knew that someday we would get to go back home.

I didn't know when that day would be, but I knew that it would happen eventually.

This craziness was only temporary, (and then, let's face it, we moved on to some different kind of crazy.) 

But every day, we were one day closer to home. 

And every day, I am one day closer to Heaven... 

And the closer I got to that day I got to go home, 

and the closer that I get to that day I go to my eternal home,

 the sweeter it gets. 

My home is being prepared for me.

 I'm one day closer to home...

(Our last morning at the Residence Inn)

  (God shining some light on our home, as we walked back in together for the first time)

So, today, a year later, I'm doing some reflecting.
(I like to reflect.  I reflect a whole lot.)

And here's what I have...

Thank You, Jesus.

Even though at times my life can be messy and chaotic…
Even though at times I feel like I am being stretched to my limit…
Even though at times my attitude doesn’t always reflect thankfulness…

Today I pause. And I say from the very bottom of my heart…

Even in the midst of the crazy, this is more than I could have ever hoped or imagined for. 

Even in the midst of the crazy, You are good.

Still good. 

 Always good. 

And we are one day closer to being Home... with You.

We Can Almost Taste It.

Any day that you can run around in the back yard with only half of your clothes on and have a water gun war with your brother...

And jump around in a water puddle barefooted...

You know that summer is so close that you can almost taste it.

And you know that it's been a really good day.

And that there are going to be a lot of really good days to come!

Momma's Day

I can remember being in seventh grade and sitting in my youth group one Sunday morning.  

Our youth minister asked us to write on a slip of paper what we wanted to be when we grew up.  "

My friends wrote words like "nurse, teacher, physical therapist..."

I wrote one simple word.

I wrote "MOM."

I meant it from the depths of my soul.  There's nothing that I've ever wanted to be more.  And I thank God every day that He saw fit to lend me three of the most precious kids ever.

 (Jaxon Thorpe Mason- 2/24/2008)

The day that I actually became a mom was a little scary.  Jaxon's birth wasn't an easy one.  A respiratory team was waiting on his arrival and he was whisked away from me very quickly.  I remember being terrified.  And exhausted.  And I've pretty much been terrified and exhausted every day since.  But it's been so worth it.  After 25 hours of labor, and three hours of actual pushing, I didn't have much left to give.  But I wanted to hold my baby.  I can remember walking to the nursery that night.  I didn't have much strength, but I needed to hold him.  And it was a moment I'll never forget.  Jaxon was the best baby.  I never knew I could love anyone so much.  I couldn't believe he was actually mine.  He's still an amazing kid, and many days I still can't believe that he's actually mine.

 

 

 (Knox Holmes Mason- 1/26/2011)

Almost three years later, I became a Momma again.  Another little boy stole my heart.  And sweet Knox hasn't stopped stealing my heart.  Every day I find new reasons to love him. Knox's birth was a lot easier than Jaxon's, but not much about being Knox's mom has been easy.  He's the most passionate, emotional child on earth.  It can often be frustrating, but every day I'm claiming that God will use Knox in big ways for His glory and for His kingdom.  My love for Knox is the same as my love for Jaxon but it's also totally different (That's something that I didn't understand before I was a Momma). They are two totally different kids, and they hold two enormous pieces of my heart. 

 (Paxton Grace Mason- 1/23/2014)

And then almost three years later, a little girl rocked our entire world.  I can remember being sooooo overcome with emotion when they placed her in my arms for the very first time (and I'm fairly certain that I haven't stopped crying since).  I never knew I wanted a little girl, but I'm thankful that God knew that I needed her.  She is my joy.  I'm not sure how I would survive one day without those big blue eyes, her sweet hugs and her telling me "you best my friend."  She really is my best friend and I'm so thankful that God gave me Paxton Grace.

Life wouldn't mean much without these three.

Being a Mom is the hardest thing I've ever done, but it is without a doubt also the most rewarding.

I hope someday they will be able to look back and see how hard I tried.

On days that I'm tired, and frustrated, and overwhelmed, I hope that they are still able to see that I love them with every ounce of my being.

Truly every ounce.  With everything that I have.

All I ever hope to do is just be their Momma.

And lead them closer to the heart of God as I do it.

He is the One that lent them to me, after all.

You kiddos have made all of my dreams come true,

and I'll forever be thankful to God for the blessing of being your Momma.

(Momma, Knox, Paxton, & Jaxon- Rosebower Mother's Day Breakfast 2016)

I'll Always, Always Carry You...

Today, I took my little boy to preschool for the last time.  

(Knox's Last Day of Preschool 5/5/2016)

When school starts back in August, he will be in Kindergarten. 

 5 days a week.  

All day long. 

 I think that means he's a big boy now.  And I couldn't possibly be prouder of him.  

But my heart just might also be hurting just a bit as well. 

 2/3 of my kids are big kids.  

And the little girl?  Well, despite my attempts to keep her little, she just seems to get bigger and bigger every day. 

 I think all my babies are gone.  And that's a tad bit heartbreaking (actually it's a lot a bit heartbreaking).

But I'm super proud too.  Like I couldn't be prouder.  Like sometimes I sit and wonder how of all the kids in the world, I got the three that I did.  

The three kids that I love so much that I feel like some days my heart might actually explode- the three kids that push me to my limits, and then cause me to love and trust God in a way that is far more genuine than it ever was before I was a Momma.

 (Knox, Daddy, & Momma- Preschool Celebration at Symsonia Elementary 5/5/2016)

Monday when I picked up Knox from school at lunch time, instead of simply holding my hand and walking to the van like he does every other day, he jumped up into my arms.  And I happily carried him to the car.  Because one of these times that he jumps up into my arms and wants me to carry him will be the last time that ever does it.  He's getting big... fast... and I pray that I'll carry him for as long as he will let me...

I'll always, always carry you, little buddy.