Will you pray?

Here I am again.

When I don’t know what else to do, I write.  I cry out to God, and I write.

So here I am, writing.

This morning I was lying in bed and on my dresser I read a verse that is written on a note card and displayed there for me to see.  And on that note card I read, “therefore, let us approach the throne of grace with boldness, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in time of need. {Hebrews 4:16}”

There’s a really thin line between wanting to be tough and keep your problems and heartaches between you and God, because you don’t want the attention, or you just want to be brave and strong-- and being vulnerable and real enough with people because the more people that know what you are dealing with, the more people will be praying to God on your behalf.

This is a tight rope that we have walked the last two months or so since we received some discouraging news.

And we’ve tried to be pretty tough, but for the next several weeks, we want to be real so that people can pray for us… for Justin, particularly.

Back in November, Justin took Jaxon hunting.  A deer walked up and Justin looked through the scope of his gun to get a closer look.  It was completely blurry.  He couldn’t see anything.  So he assumed that something was wrong with the scope.  He fiddled with it a bit, then looked again and still couldn’t see anything.  So he decided to look through his other eye, and it was completely clear.  This alarmed him and the next day he called the optometrist to get an appointment to be seen.  He went to the doctor the next week, and the eye pressure in his right eye was very high.  The optometrist told him that he had glaucoma and sent him to see another doctor in Paducah on the very same day.  After a few hours and several tests, that doctor also confirmed that he was dealing with some sort of glaucoma- which is extremely rare for a 34 year old, very healthy man to have.  Since that time in early December, Justin has been going to the eye doctor two to three times every week to have the pressure in his eye checked.  Every time he goes, the pressure is high.  They have tried him on countless medicines, both drops and oral medications.  None of these medicines have been able to consistently keep his pressure down where it needs to be.

The weeks since then have been somewhat of a blur and very frustrating.  Nothing seemed to be working.  Justin was finally referred to a specialist at Barnes Jewish Hospital in St Louis.  So last Thursday, he had his first appointment there.

Justin and I drove up to St Louis Wednesday night after church, got a hotel room and a good night’s sleep, and then arrived at the hospital early Thursday morning for his 8:00 a.m. appointment. It took about three hours, three doctors and multiple tests to receive answers as to what exactly is going on.  Justin was diagnosed with Severe Pigmentary Glaucoma in his right eye.

The way that it was described to us helps us to make better sense of it.  The pigment is obviously the color in his eye.  The color is starting to “flake off.”  It helps me to picture this like an old door that the paint is starting to chip off of.  So these pigments (paint chips) are just floating around in his eye.  Eventually the pigments clog up the draining system, which causes the pressure in his eye to build up.  This pressure has caused damage.  A lot of damage.  Damage that we are being told isn’t reversible.  Justin has very significant vision loss in his right eye that the doctors are saying will not return.

We have prayed since the first of December that this is something that will only affect one eye.  Right now he can still see well and can function normally and do all the things that he loves to do because the vision in his left eye is not affected.  However, the doctor told us on Thursday that there are some signs of “floating paint chips” going on in his left eye too and that we would need to keep a very close watch on it.  That’s very scary because of how quickly everything happened with the right eye, and the fact that he has no symptoms that alert him that his eye pressure is up.  

The doctor switched one of his medications and Justin will go back to St Louis the first of April for them to check his pressure again and see how effective this new medication has been, and to determine what type of surgery he will be having in the next couple of months.  There are three different types of surgery that he can have.  None of these surgeries are believed to be able to restore any of the vision that is lost, but it will keep the damage from being even greater.  The laser surgery is the least invasive and there are two other surgeries that will be a much bigger deal.  What his eye pressure reads at his next visit will determine which of these three surgeries that he will be scheduled to have.

It’s a lot of information.  It’s honestly really just very scary.  This weekend I’ve found myself feeling so sad and so scared… and then I’ve felt guilty thinking “well, it’s not cancer and it’s not a heart attack or something like that.  Don’t be selfish… there are people dealing with life threatening things all around you.”

And that’s true.  But you know what? This IS a big deal.  And it’s not life threatening necessarily but it is life changing.  

And so today, I just want to put the walls down and be real and ask that you please approach the throne of grace with boldness.  With confidence.

Would you cry out to God on behalf of my husband? On behalf of his eyesight?

Would you plead with God, that if it be His will, that He will restore the vision in Justin’s right eye? And that He would please show us mercy and grace and allow the left eye to remain unaffected??

God is big.  He’s so big.  He’s so much bigger than this.

We trust that no matter what He decides to do, that He will continue to use Justin and our family to honor Him and further His kingdom and bring glory to His Name. 

 No matter what.

But this wife sure prays that God will heal completely and fully.  I know that He can.  And I’m claiming that He will. 

Will you pray with me?